Edie Britt
"Edie Britt was the most predatory divorcée in a five-block radius. Her conquests were numerous, varied and legendary." Edie Britt (previously McLain, Roswell, Williams) was the most reviled woman on Wisteria Lane, and yet her charm was that she didn't really understand why. Strong-willed and self-employed, when Edie saw something she wanted, she got after it. And nothing would stand in her way. Early Life Childhood Born in 1966, Edie was forced to grow up very quickly when her father abandoned her. Ilene wasn't much of a mother and the two swiftly drifted apart, causing Edie to leave home. When Edie was 16 years old, her mother, Ilene, and her father seperated. He started dating another woman with a young daughter. When he was moving his stuff out Ilene brought Edie to the cinema because she didn't want to see him. When they returned, he had taken Edie's collection of toy horses. Ilene was furious and rang him immediately but he said that Edie was too old for the toys and that his new girlfriend's daughter would enjoy them more. Edie lost her viginity at a young age, before setting up her own real-estate company and marrying her first husband, Charles McLain, in 1996. First Marriage A year after their marriage, Edie gave birth to her only child, Travers. Charles was always away on business trips and didn't spend enough time with Edie. Overtime, Edie became lonely and started dating other men. But, in 1999, Edie requested a divorce. Charles desperatly wanted to be a good father and do the best for Travers, so Edie decided not to fight for custody because she felt she wasn't going to be capable of raising a child. Second Marriage Two years after her first marriage, Edie became romantically involved with Umberto Rosswell, a gym instructor. They were soon married, but like before, this marriage ended in divorce after Edie found out that Umberto was gay. While feeling insecure about her appearance, the local handyman, Eli, reassures Edie and makes her feel better. Eli later helps Edie get over Umberto and she cheers herself up by having sex with him! Season One The Fight for Mike Just like Susan, Edie is attracted to Mike Delfino which brings in some drama between the two and leads Susan to accidentally burn her house down when she thinks they are having sex. When Susan gets with Mike she reveals that she has already had a sexual encounter with Susan's ex-husband, Karl, while they were married. Edie is upset when Martha Huber is murdered, and proves to be the only Wisteria Lane resident who wishes to give her a proper burial. Susan, aware that Martha knew she had started the fire and recorded the incident in her diary, admits the truth to Edie, who uses Susan's guilt as a way to join the housewives' poker group. Edie continues to hit on Mike, but he's only interested in Susan. Edie is upset when Susan and Mike move in together. Edie tries to get the women to convince Susan that Mike is bad for her, but Susan is sure he's the one. Season Two Relationship with Karl Edie dates Karl, much to the displeasure of Susan, but Karl swings from the one to the other as he obviously still has feelings for her. He pretends to have broken up with Edie and has sex with Susan to see if they could get back together, but Susan finds out that he is still with her she shows him the door. However, when Susan has insurance problems Karl remarries her, but doesn't tell Edie. When she finds the prenup she thinks he is going to pop the question, but later Karl dumps Edie and she goes on a search to find out who the "other woman" is. She finally discovers it to be Susan and burns her house down, but later states that she has helped Susan by doing so, putting her once again in the spotlight. Needing to find the culprit Susan has Mike put a wire on her and records Edie's confession, but, due to her poor acting, Edie finds out, leading into a race and fight between the two, which ends when she gets stung by yellowjackets. Susan then feels guilty about it and decides not to bring the tape to the police and asks Edie's help to get the money from the insurance, but she refuses. However, Susan sticks to her decision not to show the tape, sparing Edie prison. Revenge After discovering Edie burned down her house, Susan attempts to extract a confession from Edie whilst wearing a wire, but when Edie realizes this, the two fight, and Edie is badly stung by yellowjackets. Susan feels guilty when Edie is hospitalized, and declines to turn her confession over to the police, sparing Edie prison. Edie refuses to accept Susan's pity and vows to get revenge. Susan and Mike plan on getting married, but Mike is hit by a car in the second season's finale. Season Three Relationship with Mike Edie is with Mike when he wakes up from his six-month coma. She learns that Mike has retrograde amnesia and doesn't remember the last two years of his life. While helping Mike fill in the blanks of his memory, Edie constructs a horrible image of Susan, leading him to believe that Susan never loved her and that they were never happy together. Edie also admits to Mike that she's always had a thing for him and that she's hurt about how he never paid any attention to her. Susan comes by the hospital to give Mike flowers, only to catch him having sex with Edie in the hospital bed. Edie and Mike begin a relationship, creating even more tension between her and Susan, but later breaks it off with Mike when he is arrested for the murder of Monique Pollier. Taking in Austin Edie's nephew, Austin McCann, comes to Wisteria Lane to live with her. He begins a romantic relationship with Susan's daughter, Julie. Susan doesn't want her daughter to date Edie's nephew, but Edie claims that she can't do anything about it because they are in love with each other, also implying Edie and Mike's relationship at the time. Edie and Susan later catch Austin having sex with Bree's daughter, Danielle. When Danielle reveals she is pregnant, Austin leaves Wisteria Lane for parts unknown, never to be seen again. Hostage Situation Edie becomes involved in a hostage situation, but is locked in the manager's office with the manager Harvey, and mistaken for a whore by Harvey's psycho wife, Carolyn, who is holding Julie, Austin, Lynette, Nora Huntington and other shoppers at a supermarket, but makes it out all right. Relationship with Carlos Edie's ex, Charles McClain, dumps their son, Travers, at Edie's house. Edie leaves him alone rather than find a sitter and Carlos spots the boy and invites him into his house. Edie picks her son up and tells Carlos that she gave her ex custody to give her son a better life. Carlos takes pity on her and agrees to look after the boy when needed. Edie and Carlos start an affair, leading Gabrielle and Edie's friendship to suffer. When Travers leaves with his dad, Carlos tells Edie he doesn't love her. Edie tells Carlos she will have a child with him if he stays with her. Carlos agrees, but Edie continues the pill. Suicide Carlos discovers the birth control pills and confronts Edie at Gabrielle's wedding. Carlos leaves Edie alone and depressed at the wedding. She later returns home and hangs herself... It transpires that Edie's suicide attempt was faked, and was merely a bid for Carlos's attention. He agrees to resume their relationship. Season Four Blackmail This leads Edie to discover Carlos's secret offshore bank account containing $10 million. She uses this knowledge to blackmail him, asking him to marry her, unaware that Carlos is having an affair with Gabrielle. Edie goes on to announce their engagement, but discovers Carlos's betrayal when she, Carlos, Gabrielle, and Victor all suffer from crabs. Edie hires someone to spy on Carlos and Gabrielle, and manages to get pictures of the two of them kissing. Edie attempts to get revenge by telling the IRS about his offshore account. She then discovers that Carlos has emptied and closed his offshore account so she turns the pictures over to Victor, knowing he will get revenge. Edie, still feeling vindictive, reveals to the police that Gaby and Carlos may be responsible for her husband Victor's disappearance. A tornado is about to hit Wisteria Lane and Carlos and Gabrielle plan on disappearing. Edie then gets her hands on a folder, giving her access to Carlos's offshore bank account. Gabrielle and Edie fight over the folder, but lose the papers in the tornado. They are forced to take shelter together in Edie's crawl space and are able to put aside their differences for a while. Carlos is blinded in the tornado. Edie finds out Carlos gave her fake jewelry when they were together and gets back at him by telling Gabrielle that Carlos's blindness is permanent, when she thought it was only temporary. When Bree and Orson are having troubles, Edie lets Orson stay with her. Edie later shares a brief drunken kiss with Orson which is seen by Bree, who is looking for Toby the cat. Bree then confronts Edie about the kiss. When Edie says it meant nothing, Bree slaps her and a full scale war erupts between them. Bree sabotages Edie's business by hounding off potential house buyers. Edie visits Orson, who is now living alone at a hotel, to complain about Bree. When she enters the room, she discovers a piece of paper revealing that Bree's baby is really Austin and Danielle's. Edie threatens to tell everyone about it unless Bree does exactly what she wants. Bree tells her friends about her faked pregnancy and about Edie's threats. Susan, Gaby and Lynette take Bree's side, telling her she did a noble thing to bring up her grandson, and instead disown Edie, telling her that her friendship with the others is over. This causes Edie to leave Wisteria Lane. Moving On Edie then leaves Wisteria Lane for good. She tells her Travers that she will be spending Mother's Day with him. In fact, she will be spending a lot more time with Travers from now on. Five-Year Jump Edie is a new and transformed woman and ties the knot with Dave Williams, who insists that they return to Wisteria Lane, for unknown reasons. Season Five Return to Wisteria Lane Image:Edie returns.jpg|240px|thumb|right|Edie returns to Fairview.]]Edie returns to Wisteria Lane in Season 5, seemingly changed and with a husband. The other housewives decide to forgive her and resume their friendship with her. However, they can't help but feel suspicious about her new husband, Dave Williams, particularly Mrs. McCluskey and Katherine. Suspicions of Dave Edie's new husband, Dave, is persistent in convincing her to get along better with her neighbors. He kidnaps Karen McCluskey's cat after she is rude to Edie, only returning him when Karen apologizes. When Karen attempts to investigate Dave's background, Edie realizes she knows very little about his past. Dave's doctor, Samuel Heller, arrives in Fairview and confronts Dave at the White Horse Club, but Dave strangles him and sets fire to the building. Dave only married Edie to have an excuse to move to Wisteria Lane and get revenge on Mike Delfino, who, as it turns out, had been involved in a car accident that killed Dave's wife, Lila, and daughter, Paige. Edie starts to notice something is off about Dave and is irrated that he doesn't show interest in her. One night she wakes up and sees Dave talking to himself. Edie wants to know why he's acting so strangely and Dave tells her he used to be married before he met Edie and that his wife died. Edie is furious he never told her about this before and throws him out of the house. When Edie is locked in a basement with Susan, they have a heart to heart chat and Susan tells Edie not to treat men like tissue and to believe in happily ever afters. After they are freed Edie goes to Dave and tells him to move back in. While at a liquor store, Edie observes an encounter between Dave and Father Drance. Suspicious about her husband's motives, she does a research on his past after Father Drance calls her Mrs. Dash. Determined to know more about her husband's past, Edie goes to the local newspaper for information on Dave's family, only to learn that Dave had both a wife and daughter who were killed in a car crash. Later, when she asks Dave how he feels about children, he tells her that his "friend" had a daughter he loved who died in the crash and lives his life wondering what she would've looked like and how old she would've been; he also tells her that he would never have a child as it wouldn't be worth it. Edie is still determined to know a lot more about Dave's past. Upon receiving a news article on the fateful car accident and finally learning the truth about her husband's intentions, she confronts Dave when he returns home from his camping trip. As she attempts to call Mike to warn him, she is almost strangled to death by Dave. Tearful and disorientated, Edie manages to run away and drives down the lane. She almost hits Orson as he stumbles onto the road; swerving to miss him, she hits an electric post instead. Dazed and unaware that the power line had snapped and there was water underneath the car, Edie steps out. She receives an electric shock, falls to the ground and dies a few minutes later. A One of a Kind Life... The housewives pay a visit to Travers, to announce her death and to give him her ashes. On the journey up each of the housewives and Karen McCluskey share memories of Edie. In one flashback, Susan and Edie did get along in the beginning, until Susan finds out Edie is having sex with her neighbor's husband. In another flashback, Edie takes Lynette out to cheer her up. In another flashback, Edie tells Bree to go see Orson once a month since he went to jail. In another flashback, Edie reveals to Gabrielle that she always knew she would never see 50. However, although Edie was right, Gabrielle convinced her that in 50 years time they would still go out clubbing wearing short skirts and still be the hottest ladies on the lane. And in a final flashback, Edie tells Karen McCluskey she knows what it's like losing a child. Once they arrive, however, Travers tells them that they were her closest friends and that they should spread the ashes wherever they want. Other Appearances Edie appears briefly in "Everybody Says Don't" as a hallucination of Dave's, telling him to do away with his complicated and "boring" plan of killing Susan's son, M.J., on a fishing trip, and instead urging him to go and kill M.J. right then and there instead. She then disappears, along with all of Dave's other hallucinations. Relationships Blood Relatives Son: Travers McLain Mother: Ilene Britt (deceased) Sister: Helen Britt McCann Nephew: Austin McCann Grand-Nephew: Benjamin Katz Other Relatives Ex-Husbands: Charles McLain (divorced), Umberto Roswell (divorced), Dave Williams (widower) Step-Daughter: Paige Dash (Dave's daughter with Lila) Step-Sister: Unnamed (paternal) Past Romances: Eli Scruggs (ex-lover) (deceased), Karl Mayer (ex-fiancé), Mike Delfino (ex-boyfriend), Carlos Solis (ex-fiancé) Britt, Edie